She's gone. 

We'll never be able to hold her, kiss her, or see her again. It all happened so quickly.

We had been gone for a few days, but she was acting normal when we returned. Both of our cats were happy to see us. Then everything changed.

The next day, Evee, our youngest cat that we got in July of 2021, was acting differently. She was lethargic and not eating much. She also had reddish marks/bruises on her ears that we were concerned about.

After driving to work, I called and set up a vet appointment for the following day. But things got worse quickly.

After getting home from work, Katie and I realized she hadn't moved all day. So we called and brought her into a local vet hospital, and four hours later, at 11pm, she passed away.

She had a very low red blood count and was not reproducing them like normal. We could have tried a blood transfusion to buy us time to figure out what was wrong, but we decided to let her go peacefully.

It was one of the most difficult decisions Katie and I have made together. But we both agreed her comfort was a priority over ours.

Fuck this past year. I'm exhausted with life sucker punching us and not sure how many more punches I can take.

Every day I'm reminded of her, and it's soul-crushing. 

Every time I shower, she isn't there standing on the other side of the curtain.

Every time I come home, it's only one cat that comes running to the door.

Every time I get Elio food, it's only one bowl instead of two.

Her absence is deafening. It's so tangible that I stop and breathe deeply when it hits me. I'm overwhelmed with sad emotions.

Moments like these remind me of how cruel life is, how life doesn't give one shit about you or me.

It continues to do what it wants.

I still have perspective in my pain: I realize that I only lost a pet. Unfortunately, someone lost a child or a loved one suddenly on Monday night. And have to figure out life without them.

That's not fair. And as I grow, I realize more and more how unfair life is.

I have no inspirational twist for you today. "When life gets tough the tough get going." It's all bullshit.

"Life is cruel and unfair, my friends, and that is fact." – Stephan Jenkins.

I'm lost and frankly stuck right now.

I'm grateful for how much Evee impacted Katie and me in her short seven months. The joy and peace she brought us were worth the pain that continues from her absence.

I'm grateful we still have Elio, who is just as much a joy to our lives. Katie and I are both holding her a little closer.

But I miss you, Evee, so much. The hole you left in our hearts will never go away. And I guess I'm thankful for that.

If you've lost someone or a pet recently, my heart is with you.

If you have experienced grieving a pet's loss, please reach out and share anything that helped you.

I need all the help I can get right now.

🧠 + ❤️ // JO