Kaya Olsen

September 2, 2022

Musings

The sun has gone down below the horizon, and apart from a couple of playing children and some distant cars, it is silent. Predawn. Nothing more to do, nothing more to be. 

I cherish these moments a lot. Perhaps a little more than usual these days. At least I give them more attention because I long so desperately for them during the day. In an office that's never quiet, in a city that doesn't feel like home, in a country I don't understand, in a continent that's at war. 

War in Europe. Energy crisis. Inflation. We had a lay off at work this week. Lost some great colleagues. And I've been so utterly exhausted this month. More exhausted than I've been for almost a year – and last year, this time, I was in bed with a burnout, mind you. 

Asking questions. Asking tons of questions about why? what? when? how? and not trusting the answers. 

Needing peace and quiet. Needing this beautiful orange-pink-purple sky I'm staring at right now, and that's present with me every single night from my wonderful new apartment, in my wonderful new life. Cutting to the bone, it's all there. Everything I need and want. But on top of that there are layers and layers of mud and dust and grime and noise. It's hard to see with dust in your eyes, hard to concentrate with noise in your ears. 

Needing peace and quiet. Time to breathe. To let be. To not think, not do, not be. 

Making time for it. Saying alrighty to whatever isn't worth fighting for. Building up energy for the things that are. Finding stillness wherever I can. Treasuring what I have whenever I can.

War in Europe. Energy crisis. Inflation. 

Breathe in, breathe out. Going on a bike trip tomorrow. Needing to move. 

I hope you're doing well, keeping up hope, enjoying beautiful moments with beautiful people. I wish you the best.