Kaya Olsen

June 7, 2021

On Confidence

I've always understood confidence as extroversion; if you were outgoing, talkative and enjoyed being the center of attention, you were confident, you had self-esteem, you felt comfortable in your own skin.

As a consequence, confidence has always seemed outside my reach. I'm naturally introverted in my approach of experiencing the world: I take in, have little need to speak, and like to keep to myself. I have little need to express my opinions and little need of attention. 

So for a long time, I didn't see myself as confident and I blamed my introversion for it. But having now returned to Denmark and comparing the Kaya I was back when I left with the Kaya I am now, I can safely say that I've gained a lot of confidence throughout these last 17 months without necessarily becoming less introverted. A little differently introverted, but not less.

Consequently, I've spent the weekend revising my understanding of confidence. What does it mean if confidence ≠ extroversion?

This is approximately where my thoughts have been drifting:

Confidence is...

... acknowledging different perspectives than your own as well as your mistakes and changing your mind if proven wrong without feeling threatened

... following your own personal speed where you can stay grounded and at peace with no sense of shame

... knowing the worth of you simply being and trusting your gut-feeling with no need for anyone to tell you your worth or your path

... not needing to be right nor to know all the answers, but being open to curiosity, questions and exploration

Essentially, confidence is based on our relationship to our identity. Do we understand our identity as a certain set of beliefs, values, style, etc. that we stick to or do we understand it as a white space of endless, fluid possibilities that has your consciousness as its only center? 



But these are just my musings. Curious to hear what you think.